all that shit in crazy heart happened to me

(except for losing the kid part…..sort of)

the carnival had left for paris early

its chain gangs singing 'oh sweet morning'

the glass rain covering the black streets

i had cut off both fingers

the blood was not easy at first

it drained into the soup

coloring it a deep blue

it had filled up the room then

suddenly spilling into the courtyard

birds dripping had flown into the moon

becoming stuck and dying there over

the world, with it's reckless lost trajectory

you wore beads of sweat

and nothing more. standing over me

with your mouth and lips

your stroke and distance and

fine jewelry had hung against the wall's furnace

your black hands covering the hot surface

of almost everything your fingers

curving into the air the sound

a jet engine makes breathing in a bird

my tears had dried and crackling

clogged against the gutter of my

eye balls. i reached for the phone

the only time i was ready to be there

for you was the only time

you rejected me. you must have known

that it would work out. but only in that moment,

because now you want me back, in my black jeans

and expensive sunglasses and phone numbers

stuck inside my phone like glass

i showed you the phone and said

yours is the only number that it carries

of course i didn't show you the other shiny one

if only i had a gun that night in cleveland

or when a hole

breaking away from the side of the bus

into the black bra of new york city

holding the tits of that town

silicone milk and high hopes

i'm paying you back what i owed you

one day at a time now