you watched the world grow over me

you watched the world grow over me

a loose tooth

the haitian girl

the two week stint at wendy's

coming home one sunday and

finding you had left

with everything in the house

except my clothes

and a note that said

i had never really loved you

which might have been true

i was relieved that you

were gone,

i had nowhere to sit but

i did have a good story to tell

you watched the world grow over me

standing on the drag

and watching aliens saunter

down the sidewalk

having put the window pane

in my mouth with my finger and

the AIDS test at the clinic

and the two week wait and

the call from the AIDS study group

that turned out to be a wrong number

and the giddy relief on the ride home

three days later

you watched the world grow over me

watching your light in the building

across from mine at night

for at least a year and

imagining your lovers

you watched the world grow over me

waking up outside the 7-eleven

at six in the morning. the sun coming up

on the ground, wet and swollen

you watched the world grow over me

as i watched slowpoke do wheelies

on the front lawn of his girlfriends house

having woken up in her roomates bed

drinking untold cases of milwaukees best

and laughing and peeing and sitting

and being and swimming in the apt pool

across the street and imagining vampires

living next door

and going to los angeles

and not getting killed by the mafia dudes

and ending up in rehab

and losing my best friend for years

and becoming so busy

and buying so many things

and only waking up every once in a while

you watched the world grow over me

driving your car up the embankment

of the highway in front of the police car

while i sat on the beach in mexico

watching strange monkeys dance in

halo of the ocean

believing in myself

and then not believing in myself

and then believing in you

and then not believing in anything

and then my son being ripped out

of my wife's belly, bloody and screaming

and my heart being torn from my chest

forever leaving nothing there except sadness

mostly and love that can't remain

but burns and then leaves more sadness

and watching the black emptiness

underneath inside me with detached

and utter horror as i am

holding my son's hand

crossing the street

and entering target